Monday, May 8

Random Thoughts This Morning

What if one day I cant control it anymore and decide to do stupid things? What if I don't want to wake up anymore? These days I feel so tired. I dont want to do shit. I am so selfish. What if its the best to just disappear? Things are not going the way I want it to be.. I'm tired. None of this is what I wanted. Why am I not grateful? This slowly kills me. When will I able to do what I want? Can I survive with just a simple work? How do I tell my parents that I want to be alone? That I dont want this anymore.. Cant I just run away? Cant I just stop one day, and go somewhere for few days? Will they worry about me? Will they get angry with me? Will they be concern and actually want to discuss with me later on? Will they understand? Or is it just me who are lazy and finding reasons to not do things? What is this feeling? I am being selfish. He is working hard for me, for us - but all I care is my stupid lazy ass and my stupid feeling.. What am I supposed to do from now on Usamah? It's getting harder everyday. If I ever will run away, I want settle few things. My license. My scholarship. And go to gym in the morning and evening. And go back to the hotel and have some nice warm shower. And hit the bed and watch some movies until I fall asleep. Can I do this for few days? But I dont think I have the heart to disappoint my father and my mother like that. All I can do now is wait and just follow the flow.. Things will get better soon they say..

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