Monday, October 10

Life Update

1. I'm going to Perak today for site visit and training with le clients - where I actually will do nothing other than menyemak dekat tepi sambil dengar abang buat training - still.. yeah I feel as nervous as hell. I am nervous as I will soon meet all the top people from the other company. And I am nervous as I will be living with these girls for A WEEK! Gawd my anxiety just break into my head right now I couldn't even breath properly. gdi.

2. I can't wait to go to gym with Usamah. I hope I will not feel shy as times goes by because I really really wanna do this y'know. I feel like my body is older than my current age and I think I need to take care of it more. I've been in my comfort zone for FAR TOO LONG and I feel scared now. 

Tuesday, October 4

Weak

I feel like a failure, you know? There's nothing I do right now satisfies me. There's nothing I do right now feels right. I am good in running away from my problem. The easiest example is my Twitter. Whenever I found something wrong with the people that follow me, or they found something wrong about me, I will delete that account and just disappear. I feel like I'm about to do the same shit to my second account now. And that is exactly what I did when I was at UiTM. I failed almost all of the papers and I disappear. 

What a total bullshit I am.

Weak

Ya Allah I feel so stressed out right now. I really want to go somewhere alone for a while. Anywhere in Malaysia is also fine. Ipoh ke Penang ke mana mana la. Aku rasa tak tahan sangat sekarang ni - with work with my family with everyone around me. I feel so miserable with myself and my life at the moment. I really really really need some time to find myself. I am not even kidding when I say I'm tired. This is not even funny anymore. It has come to the extend that I wish I don't give a fuck about anything. Can I just don't give a fuck about work and anyone anymore?

Shit.