Friday, December 16

Brief Update

1. It is the last month of year 2016 and I think I still look and think the same way as I was in year 2015. Not much different.

2. B-b-BUT ! I bought a Nintendo 3DS XL !! A beautiful deep red / maroon color !!!
(i am such a sticker trash)

3. Graduated as Pokemon League Champion TWICE and beat all those elite four asses like a piece of cake (well, not really it was so hard especially Steven but like a good trainer I am, I did NOT restart the game at all during my fights *proud-face.jpg)

4. Officially an ARMY now. Couldn't say no to these boys. Their songs and their hardwork is what attracts me. Everyone is my precious sons so I couldn't choose a bias, sorry.

5. I ship VHOPE so hard you cannot say otherwise.

Monday, October 10

Life Update

1. I'm going to Perak today for site visit and training with le clients - where I actually will do nothing other than menyemak dekat tepi sambil dengar abang buat training - still.. yeah I feel as nervous as hell. I am nervous as I will soon meet all the top people from the other company. And I am nervous as I will be living with these girls for A WEEK! Gawd my anxiety just break into my head right now I couldn't even breath properly. gdi.

2. I can't wait to go to gym with Usamah. I hope I will not feel shy as times goes by because I really really wanna do this y'know. I feel like my body is older than my current age and I think I need to take care of it more. I've been in my comfort zone for FAR TOO LONG and I feel scared now. 

Tuesday, October 4


I feel like a failure, you know? There's nothing I do right now satisfies me. There's nothing I do right now feels right. I am good in running away from my problem. The easiest example is my Twitter. Whenever I found something wrong with the people that follow me, or they found something wrong about me, I will delete that account and just disappear. I feel like I'm about to do the same shit to my second account now. And that is exactly what I did when I was at UiTM. I failed almost all of the papers and I disappear. 

What a total bullshit I am.


Ya Allah I feel so stressed out right now. I really want to go somewhere alone for a while. Anywhere in Malaysia is also fine. Ipoh ke Penang ke mana mana la. Aku rasa tak tahan sangat sekarang ni - with work with my family with everyone around me. I feel so miserable with myself and my life at the moment. I really really really need some time to find myself. I am not even kidding when I say I'm tired. This is not even funny anymore. It has come to the extend that I wish I don't give a fuck about anything. Can I just don't give a fuck about work and anyone anymore?


Tuesday, September 27


My piercings are a little over a month now, everything seems fine and Alhamdulillah I am still alive. Good job to myself for surviving the first month *pat on the shoulder

1/ My earlobe piercing is almost two months which means it is more than six weeks already. So I changed to my new black stud because I keep on touching it and hit it that it feels a bit painful at times. All is good when I changed it but yesterday there is some weird smell when I touched it and I read somewhere on the internet that once in a while I should take it out before shower AND SO I DID. 

It feel all good to finally remove it and to wash it properly. Until when it is time to put it back. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. When I tried to put it in, the back side seems closed already and the stud cannot go through my earlobe and there is this little pain when I try to push it FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK PANIC ATTACKKKKKKK and I gave it a little more push and there you go motherfucking good lord it didnt hurt that bad. 

And the same goes to the other side. 

But all is good now. Promised myself not to take it out anymore for a while. And only do it once in a while to clean it BUT NEVER LEAVE IT FOR MORE THAN 20 MINUTESSS BECAUSE IT MIGHT GET CLOSEDDDDDDD

2/ My other baby is doing fine :)

Tuesday, September 20


Tiba tiba teringat dulu masa form 2, ada sorang member ni nama Z. Kawan baik jugak lah, sekelas dengan aku. Biasa lah malam sabtu memang malam bebas so aku dengan Humai pergi lepak dekat kelas je usha usha perilaku manusia.

Long story short, si Z ni tiba tiba macam confess dekat. Aku macam bladidefakwat??! Masa tu dekat kelas Gamma ingat lagi aku. Tiba tiba dia macam melutut dekat aku - what? Entah macam mana pulak kemudiannya kitorang duduk dkt pintu belakang kelas aku, aku duduk la atas kerusi macam biasa. Dia pulak tiba tiba macam duduk melutut mencangkung gitu.

Takde apa pun. Saje teringat sebab baru lepas nampak dia dekat Facebook. Lawok ahh rasa. Tapi dia baik. Aku tak ingat kenapa aku tak suka dia dulu. Aku bagi alasan aku nak belajar la apa la padahal tak lama lepas tu ke sebelum tu aku couple dengan F. Cambodooo.

Kesian dia. Lulz. Nanti aku hantar kad hantaran aku dengan U k.

Thursday, September 15

I will not kiss you

If you don't find this beautiful, then I don't know what is.

Wednesday, September 7


Might as well just go with the flow and stop hurting him. Fuck my life.

Tuesday, September 6

For all the joy that is to come

It is a small memories out of 2016. It was brief but it was nice.

Saturday, August 20

Piercing (II)

Hello baby.
Mama loves you.
Will take good care of you,
so don't you worry.
Please be healthy okay?

Sunday, August 14


1. Went out with Aisyah today to Sungei Wang, just the two of us and I swear today is one of the most relaxing and comfortable hang-out with a friend that I had for a while.

2. Makan at Pak Hailam and it was not delicious at all but I still tried to finished it and failed miserably.

3. Found that exact shop we're looking for (after hours of searching the entire floor) and there goes our beautiful nerve-wrecking of 30 minutes - but totally worth it! Couldn't do mine as it was so expensive but that's okay.

4. Cut and wash hair.

5. Finally she gave me a brilliant idea so we head straight to Sunway Pyramid and get it done. Beautiful! Tho it was not center enough, it still looks nice to me so yeah no probs.

6. Rest and sleep. Great day, thank you love *heart-emoji.jpg*

Saturday, August 13


1. I was awake quite early, it was nice and cold and cuddly. I feel so comfortable being wrapped in my blanket and pillows. They have accepted me as one of their own but after few hours of lazying, I have to break their trust because - !

2. #iKONCERTinMalaysia and #iKONCERTinKL !!!!!!!

3. Met Iman a.k.a Wufheii and wow she is so pretty in real life too. But despite of the fact that I couldn't speak English, we still get along very well. Glad that we share the same bias and OTP so yay BinHwan for lyfe!

4. I am one of those lucky fans that get to join in their Sound Check Party, where we get to see them much earlier than anyone else, they wore casual clothes and sang three songs. The speaker is so freaking loud, I love it! Swear to god that they look so good in real life, especially my bias Hanbin.

4. Two hours somehow feels only like 20 minutes, it never felt enough. Didn't get to record much during concert as I was more into enjoying myself with the loud music and I did jump a lot while waving my beautiful red KonBat like crazy. I sing along to each songs and it felt so great. I wish I get to see them again in the future.

5. BAGUS is word of the day, where they kept saying it for more than 100 times. Oh you guys are so adorable.

6. I saw BinHwan moment twice and I looooo-oove it!

Thursday, August 11


Great day for me. I'm blessed.

1. Teamwork guys. You can never go wrong when you have a team where each one of them knows what they're doing and they do it right. This feels so good.

2. Oh my god does anyone of you watch W - Two World? It is so good that I find myself keep on watching the first few episodes while waiting for new ones. And oh my god did you watch episode 7? It is so good I literally screamed and gasped and laughed and burst my heart out throughout the one hour duration. Goddamn.

3. Meeting with friends once in a while also feels so good when you had a rough week. There they are being annoying as fuck. The kind of annoying that I love.

4. Suicide Squad. It wasn't that bad and for a first timer like me who didn't know about Quinn and Joker - gawd they're beautiful. And oh my god she's hot.

5. You're home quite late and alone. Late night shower and sleep. What could be better than that?

Monday, August 8


Yesterday I received a text message from an unknown number and I'm scared *now panic af*


// updated


Wednesday, August 3


Sharing new songs on his facebook since August 1st and I was thinking maybe I should do it five days a week. Just sharing with him because those songs are so meaningful and means a lot to me - the lyrics especially. He never really listens to the songs that I shared with him and even though he did listen to 'em, he didn't remember.

-- which now I know that we don't really share the same interest on the same song genres. And that is okay.

There's this one time many years ago, I told him to listened to this specific song and says that I love it so much and you should try it too because oh god I love the lyrics. Really helps in expressing the feelings and words that I couldn't say. 

And a month later, when we were having a conversation through phone calls, he tells me that he just discovered a new song and he would like to share with me. I said OK, what is the title? And no shit it is the same song that I asked him to listen to last month.

And he saw it on his best-friend's blog a.k.a ex-gurrrlfriend. And he didn't even remember that I told him about that song first.

I was 16 and I was immature and this was pretty big deal last time, at least to me. 

Not anymore. Do whatever you want to do. It's not that important anyways.

Tuesday, August 2


There is this one night in Tokyo that I get to go out with my friend, just the two of us. And I thought, "Finally~" with a small sigh of relief. It was only for few hours though, but I was so happy.

From Oshiage using Hanzomon Line (purple) to Otemachi and change train to Tokyo using Marunouchi Line (red). It was around 8pm and there's still a lot of people on the train. Middle school students still wearing their uniforms. Working men and women. Couples holding hands (some even do PDA tho). Elderly with their cane. Some of them reading books, some just listening to their earphones, some just staring blankly, some sleeping etc. And there are few people that gave us a very nice and polite smile, knowing that we are tourist.

Once arrived to my destination (which is actually not), we got out from the building and walked around, trying to find that place. The temperature was about 14 degree Celsius and I love it. I can feel cold breeze brushing my cheeks and my hands are cold too, so we had to hold each others hand to keep warm. Unfortunately both of us were so into it (appreciating the moment) that we got lost for almost half an hour. Luckily I was calm and didn't panic, I found that place easily after that.

I was planning to walk some more, to appreciate the night and the view, but my friend's mom is getting worried and asked us to go back as early as possible. So we had to go back to Oshiage straight away *sigh*


I miss Japan so much. Or rather, I miss travel so much. I will definitely go to Japan again and this time with the right company. And preferably just the two of us.

Rant #1

The only thing that scare the shit out of me about school right now is the thoughts of having to explain shits to other people, and the thoughts of not be able to blend the fuck in. I think I'll just be my usual loner self because I could not afford to have another friend again, because for fuck sake I can't even keep the ones that I have now.

Monday, August 1

Dear A

My love, where did you see us in the next three years, five years, 10 years, 15 years? Ever since we're together, I've always pray for our happiness in the future. I've always have this image of us together in a foreign place, exploring places and be head over heels for each other. 

But these days, why do I feel so scared these days? I have this mixed feeling and I am so scared. After seeing what happen to people around us, to both of our parents, I am scared.

Come home, and hold me. Tell me that everything is going to be okay.


I think I will be one of those mums who will substitute bed-time stories with Princess Mononoke and Naruto and read it for them each night; and I'll be one of those mums who encourage her children to watch anime and buy lots of manga for them.

Oh my future son and daughter,
Mama loves you xo

Friday, July 29


1. He's in pain, again.
And I don't know what to do.

2. I should be alone
I don't deserve someone like him.

3. Useless partner of all time, am I


I never really understand the meaning of friendship. How do you know that that someone is your friend/best friend?

I can't remember the last time I talk to someone about how I feel - when I'm happy and especially when I'm sad or when I'm in pain. I can't even remember the last time someone talk to me about how they feel - when they're happy and especially when they're sad or when they're in pain.

I know it's mainly my fault. I pushed them away, and now I pay the price.

Nurina, Nuriza, Azyan, Nabilah, Humaira, Bassyirah, Putri, Dhiya, Shafi, Hasnan, Azizi, Farid, Fasihah, Aziilah, Insyirah, Asmidar, Arina, Shakinah, Nurizwani, Syqin, Sabirah, Farah, Fatin Nabilla, Larry, Aisyah.

Though I never contact some of you since the last time we met, I never forget nor I never hate. I'm sorry I hurt you in any way possible, especially when I decided to shut my door. Please know that I always tried to reach you, but I'm scared - too scared. "Of what?" you might ask, but no.. I don't know either..

How I wish we can be friends again.

Tuesday, July 26


I wish I can experience Japan again like it is my first time. I might be a bit biased (since I am obsessed with anime and shit) but there is no doubt that Japan is one of the nicest country filled with kind and polite people.

It has been approx three months now, but I still could not believe myself that I have been there already. It was the end of winter and early spring - cold weather and lots of beautiful flowers, the perfect combination! 

Japan will always be in my travel wishlist.